I was an exotic dancer at a fun and lively club on the sunset strip in Hollywood California when I discovered I was pregnant. I felt nautious one morning as I often did because I drank a lot at work the night before so I thought nothing of it. My boyfriend insisted I take a pregnancy test, he said he just had a feeling about it. So I peed on the stick and left it on the ground of the bathroom thinking absolutly nothing of it. I honestly hadnt even planned on looking at the thing again. I was completely convinced I drank and snorted way too much coke to even get pregnant. When I happened to glance over at the stick a few minutes later I learned drugs and alcohol are not an effective birth control.
My heart sank to my throat and my knees weakened at the sight of two red lines. I flipped out, i insisted my boyfriend return to the store and buy another test, a better test, the most expensive test in the whole store. I took three tests in total with three results, one showed two red lines and the other two said simply "pregnant". I sat back on my bed and laughed nervously. At 24 years old i had never gotten pregnant before, never! Finally after a fourth positive pregnancy test from Planned Parenthood themselves I finally beleived I was pregnant.
I have always been completly pro choice, and furthermore I always thought I would chose that right if in this prediciment. Looking back now I find it odd I never even considered abortion. There was a baby inside me and that was my baby. I must admit though 5 or 6 months later when my ass got huge and the stretch marks burned my skin and I hated everyone in my sight I wanted an abortion more than I wanted to breathe. Not really............. but I did google the cut off date for abortions.......... but I was just curious! That feeling, like many others, only lasted a few hours.
Anyway....... back to the beginning. I was in a delema because my livelihood depended on my looks and body. I was making good money in the adult industry and i was already two months pregnant. Not only was my body already gaining weight but I had to remove myself from that environment for a while to simply take care of my health. I was used to drinking and doing drugs at work, it was a party atmosphere. Luckily my boyfriend was on board. He wanted this baby even more than I did. He wanted to take care of us. Unfortunatly that turned out to be easier said than done. Not until I couldnt dance did I actually realize how much money I made. Becuase there is no paycheck, and I spent my lumps of quick cash before I could count it, I had no idea I was making thousands per week. Many dancers will tell you it is hard to be responsible with easy money. So even though I probably made over 100,000 the previous year, I had absolutly nothing to show for it. And as far as my boyfriend supporting us........ well wheres my food stamps?
In the meantime i wanted to do anything i could think of to be productive, so I enrolled in beauty school. This passed the time but didn't pay the bills. I tried everything including applying for a job at walmart, starbucks, even cleaning people's houses. All this did was severly stress me out and interfere with my full time school schedule. And to be honest the work/school overload and stress on my newly pregnant body was not worth an exta 300 per month. I did start receiving WIC checks which helped slightly, but not much. I was completely ready to throw in the towel and move from my lovely Los Angeles apartment back home......... to the desert......... in the middle of nowhere...... in Ridgecrest, CA. (google it) In the summer this town literally feels like the sky is on fire, with temps reaching up to 118 in July. I would be giving up essentially all the plans and dreams I had set for myself since i was a little girl. What could I do in Ridgecrest? With a baby? Working at........... Sizzler........... forever!? In Ridgecrest if you dont work on the military base youre either a teacher or a cashier. BTW yes military base, people still proudly display their BUSH/CHENEY 2004 bumper stickers as if it brings more honor than a MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT ... OMG my worst nightmares were coming true. That can't be my life it just cant!
I knew that as soon as my baby was born if i took good care of myself i could get back to work asap. All i had to do was make it another five months or so. What the hell can I do and keep my sanity at the same time?
TBC...
